


Sunday Mornings

by mouthbeast



Category: Problem Sleuth (Webcomic)
Genre: Autistic Character(s), F/F, Fluff, M/M, Trans Male Character, autistic team sleuth, dear god the amount of fluff could drown you, mentions of drinking, mentions of smut from night before, trans guy pickle inspector
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 09:26:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6699265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mouthbeast/pseuds/mouthbeast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sleuth tries to make his boyfriends breakfast, and quickly learns that Pulchritude alone can't make an omelet. Oneshot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunday Mornings

You are one of the top Problem Sleuths in the city. On many a night, you and your ragtag crew of colleagues head out into the night to fight crime and bring justice to Midnight City. Your Team includes the beautiful Hysterical Dame, whose charms are as wily as her vicious chainsaw; her girlfriend Nervous Broad, who is constantly rocking back and forth or attempting to stab someone with her teddy bear knife; the boisterous Ace Dick, who just so happens to be the strongest man in the world; the lovable Pickle Inspector, whose imagination soared high above everyone else's; and yourself, Problem Sleuth, the Chosen Arbiter, the Champion of Pulchritude, the-

Ace Dick nudges your gut and tells you to stop mumbling about your accomplishments and get back to cuddling. Pickle Inspector, who is currently on the other side of AD, nods at you, pulling your arms around the two of them. He's not very verbal in the morning, but honestly, who is?

Well, maybe that's an understatement. PI doesn't really talk much around anyone besides your team. He mainly just rubs his hands and chews on that silicon pendant necklace you and AD got him for his birthday. He really enjoys that thing, and whenever he's not on the phone or eating or on a mission, you always walk in on him with it stuffed in his mouth, chewing away like it's the greatest thing in the world. Kind of like how whenever you walk into AD's office, he quickly stows away his fidget desk toys and replaces them with paperweights. Or how whenever either of them enter your office, you're spinning your cares away in that squeaky office chair of yours. It's quite strange that out of everyone in the city, your Team is all on the spectrum. Which is fantastic, because you love them all and you all care for each other.

You notice the time; It's about 9:15 AM. What will you do?

>Get out of bed.

You attempt to exit the bed. Instead, you roll over AD and face-plant into PI's unbound chest. He makes a noise that seems to be a mix of surprise and irritation. He tells you to stop attempting to fondle his breasts with your face, and that it's too early for that kind of foreplay. AD makes a muffled remark about the night before, and PI pulls the blanket over his face.

>Ask PI if you can leave the bed.

PI nods, and tell you all you had to do was ask. AD has wriggled out of the blanket trap and throws a sneer about you rolling over him like a goddamned rag-a-muffin. You roll your eyes and exit the bed You tell the two of them to sit tight, and they question your motives. You tell them it's a surprise and bolt from the bedroom, nearly tripping on a pile of clothing on the way out. What even happened last night?

>Enter the kitchen.

You have now entered the kitchen. Currently, there is an empty pizza box lazily shoved into the trash can, the lid of which is nowhere in sight; and the microwave's door is ajar, showing a sad, cold bowl of what appears to be either soggy cereal or rice pilaf.

>Inspect bowl further.

You taste the substance. You gag and fall back, flat on your ass. Soggy cereal, but with moonshine instead of milk. You make a note to yourself to give HD the keys to your liquor cabinet the next time you and the boys head out for a night on the town.

>Attempt to make breakfast. 

On it. You remove the eggs and bacon from the fridge. You then go to grab a pan and knock an egg out of the carton onto the ground. Unaware of this, you walk back to the counter, only to slip on the broken egg and drop the frying pan on your face.

>PS: Be PI

You are now Pickle Inspector. You have been cuddling with Dick for a solid ten minutes since Sleuth left the room. You begin to wonder what he's up to. AD comments that last night was great. You attempt to remember what happened, with AD to help you.

You remember coming home from the speakeasy across town, being drunk enough to slur your words, but not drunk enough to be out of your brain. AD claims you tried to smother him with your chest. You give him a harsh look and he laughs, hugging you. You return the favor gladly.

>PI: Be PS.

Oh dear GPI. You are now Problem Sleuth, and you are also covered in egg yolk, raw bacon, and tears.

>Find the phone.

You do so with much more ease than you do at the office. You swear you need to glue the phone pieces to the phone soon. You proceed to dial HD's number.

>HD: Answer the call.

HD picks up the phone. You beg her to come to your apartment and cook your famous breakfast for them. HD asks how many eggs are on your body right now. You say about 11. She says she'll put on her apron and be there in ten, so get cleaned up. You hang up.

>Perform extremely sneaky move to get to shower before your boyfriends get tired of waiting.

You engage in a sick Sleuth Roll across the hallway. However, it was unnecessary, because you closed the bedroom door on your way out!

>Shower while HD and NB let themselves in.

Finally, something easy.

>PS: Be NB.

You are now Nervous Broad. You followed your girlfriend to Sleuth's apartment because you have severe separation anxiety and the couch is big and fluffy and oh my GPI, is that a weighted blanket?

HD tells you to make yourself comfy. You are way ahead of her, and you burrow further into a makeshift pillow fort.

>HD: Make breakfast like a champ.

HD pulls the last carton of eggs from the fridge and gets to work at preparing an omelet.

You watch from the confines of the pillow fort and feel yourself begin to enter the Imagination Realm due to your sudden calm.

>NB: Help your girlfriend clean the house.

You split into four NBs and take different tasks. MNB (Mopping Nervous Broad) cleans the broken eggs off the floor. DWNB (DishWashing Nervous Broad) takes care of the plates. ONB (Organizing Nervous Broad) puts all the liquor back into the cabinet alphabetically. DNB (Dusting Nervous Broad) gets as much of the dust and grime off the tables and windowsills as she can.

When the jobs are done, you return to a single form and reenter the real world. 

>NB: Be PS.

You are now Problem Sleuth, and you've cleaned the eggs off your body.

>PS: Rally the team, breakfast is ready.

You burst into the bedroom and holler for your teammates to get their hunkish rumps into the kitchen.

The three of you make it into the room just in time to see HD place down the last omelet on its plate. She waves you guys over and then takes one of the omelets over to NB, who stays curled in the blanket, now tired from her exertion of her Imagination so early in the morning.

>PS: Express your love for your boyfriends, for your Team and for Sunday mornings.

Gladly.


End file.
